Stars

in my head

This post is about a very small thing, so tiny and irrelevant I’ve never mentioned it to anyone. It likely means nothing and will make no difference to anything. The thing is this: when I close my eyes in darkness and my field of vision is like dark swirling tea, there sometimes appears in the centre a small, dim patch of sparkling stars. They appear, they sparkle, they move to the left but not by much, and after a second or two they fade away. Their number is uncertain, more than ten and less than fifty. It is impossible to say if they are the same every time. Their color is uncertain, but maybe they sparkle in white, red and blue. They have been there as long as I can remember from earliest childhood. They do not appear every time my eyes are closed. Sometimes if I rub my eyes they are prompted to do their little show. I can also summon them almost at will by doing something in my head, not sure what, an inner thought movement that causes them to appear. This does not work repeatedly; they or I get tired. It suddenly occurred to me recently that no one else will ever see them, and that when I’m gone they will cease to exist. But they don’t even really exist now since only I can see them. They have kept me mute company in darkness all my life. I now wonder what they are saying.